1. |
Stored up in my body
02:52
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Everything was doomed
From the day I hatched
Love and an open heart
Were my own diseases
One day I will learn how to convert
Them into anger, into evil
I kept my eyes fixed
On those who bear the light
And the caring ones
Lived forever in my mind.
I didn’t know that much of the world
But I couldn’t choose not to be part of it
I had felt other sufferings,
I remember the fear in the night
And like never before
I’ve been waiting for mornings
‘till somebody will come to sustain.
Somebody to wonder with me
Through the wide world
And to shield me
From night winds in gloom
I learned the colors,
Listen to the fairy tales
In whisper help in every light
I didn’t watch in vain as I do it today
Was easy in mind something more to expect
To look forward to at the days
When it started
And life was more exciting
I’m more scared
Than ever
I say I’m not
All that time I kept away
Didn’t think one day it’ll be too late
Darkest hours
There has been
One fond heart
That loves and shields me from night winds
When everything’s in gloom
I will let it alone
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2. |
Repressed. Deluded.
04:17
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I’ve never learned to be alone
Open-hearted tried to find
Other sad eyes
With something hidden yet alive
Weakness like roots
Sprouted out of my hands
Delving into
Somebody on guard
I feared nobody as nobody could
Do something any worse as I did myself
Standing in front of the mirror
And taking stock of the flaws
I never got angry enough
What I used to do is to get sad
To turn into a frost
And to look fierce with cold
How somebody could have that
Much cruelty on oneself to
Desire to wreck apart just to
Hope the loving one will gather
All the shivers into one
And put you under the glass
My skin is a surface of the moon
I breathe on you and it comes as ice
I leach through into flesh
Into the bones
Until I become
A part of you
I can now have this curse on me
Curse I cannot break
There’s nothing I could really give
But I’ll forever take
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3. |
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Memory folded into the bones
Blended and paled
‘till it’s no more than echo
How dear were those
Summers by the sea
That rawness used
To keep me through the year
I had sand in my book
And a sorrow in my head
I’m still thirsty for that sea
It smells like yearning
Perhaps it’s not the scene
It’s just a sense
Of these endless summers
When we needed no place to go
No goal to set
We loved without anyone to love
Shadows got long
Nothing was left there
Our silence grew
The child was gone
What I used to call the past
I have only dinosaur bones
Stubborn lives
Savage feelings
I find there solitude
And smell of death
And dawn of ghosts
Of which I am one
You’re hopeless
When you have nothing to wait for
You’re hopeless to make ruins feel like home
Before you let go
Fade out
We got sad because
We were too weak or we
Haven’t done enough
Or we loved too hard
And while we’re glorifying
Dreary future we are sorry
That the past was happening
And we didn’t even notice
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4. |
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Like animals we grope
Throughout the forest
Too self-assured
As if we know what’s there for us
Blind-folded ourselves
We guide the others
No time for guessing
Follow your project
Where’s no time to bear sorrow
But we’d take spared happiness alongside
In fact we’re born aware we gonna die
And that’s the only thing is waiting for us planned
We stand by
Stare at sky
No wings to fly
No tears to cry
No place to hide
Wrecked pride
We’re mortified
We’re the most gifted
To close our eyes
We expound peace
But don’t notice a war
In our backyard
We’re the first ones to advice
While our hearts drown far off shore
As ourselves we drown in our lies
We lose a track as we can’t stand
Who we are
We cover life under false joy under sunrise
The biggest fear is to listen to own thoughts
Too much of noises
It eats my blood
Through air spreads poison
Years of black flood
I’ve may not learned a lot
And I’m not experienced that well
With such a thrill
I talked about death to come
I’m more than afraid now
‘Cause I believe in it
If I’d find a way to
Calm myself within
Neither it’s a sleep
Nor it’s awakening
No time no infinity
Nothing nowhere no weep
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5. |
I Ached
06:55
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No more turning back
And no coming home
We never had home
Sometimes I catch a glimpse
From the past
But the next moment
I trap it under titan dome
That care and love
From those early days
It feels like a venom of snakes
Burning me inside out
Artificial questions fake answers
Enough of imitations
I’m fed up
We’re not from the same herd
I was dragged back way
Too many times
What I was told to be
Meaning, beauty and joy
Turn out as decay and lies
Everything smells like lies
There was nobody to define
What’s bad and what’s good
Out of sight running light
Too thin to chase for
Sit tight, eyes in fright,
Heartbreak to be a good child
I swallow words, I drift my stare,
I turn my head, I reach for air,
I find my path leading nowhere,
At least for a first time it’s my own
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6. |
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Reality is what we think it is
When it seems as I ascended
From a sight
It’s still me
Looking at the world
From underwater
Looking for a prey
To slash its’ solid spirit
As mine was slashed someday
I’ll keep it in a hutch
And turn softness into ashes
Will tell the same as I’ve been told:
It’s love
This is where you enter the picture
I take my pattern I put a trap
Of hell and pain wrapped into a false kindness
Somebody who was served as monster will never rise as dear
And then I come
In a burst of violence
Mind shatters as everything you were is ripped apart
Feels like blood spilling
I convince you that it’s worth living
In sorrow and pain
There’s no escape
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7. |
The end of an era
06:02
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My new life was worn out
Like a bleached piece of cloth
Haven’t even kept one souvenir
From the past
Rather felt death
In a heart
Ought to let
A bird from a chest
All time is now dead time
Every day is the worst day
Because it’s the most recent day
Took this ordinary path
Just raised my gaze to the sky
The sky is on fire
The rain of the flames
Traces of death
My domain now is being reigned by grief
Dust and filth overtook
And everything I knew is undercover
My eyes may look surprised
But my soul forecasted it coming
Soon this chaos will leave the planet
It will fall forever quiet
A heart bleeds to hear you behind
But I’ll exist nearby this life
At times you cannot any longer remember
Find a path to my mind and become my ghost
For a first time in my life
I’m allowed to meet my own sorrow
I didn’t stand a chance
Was holding dead man’s hand
Empire is over
The fossils may remain
That’s how I was left on the earth
Until I expired
I extinct
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